so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
