He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
