I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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