Do you still have your period?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
