if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
