Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
