I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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