im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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