That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
