After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
