We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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