Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
