the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
