After last night, I could never be a politician.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
