Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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