there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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