I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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