everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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