She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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