was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
