New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
