there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
