Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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