At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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