I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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