I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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