Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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