anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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