True but thats because hes a fetus.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
