We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
