If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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