I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
