party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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