I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this will be a night to untag.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
