Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
