I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
