Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
