yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it's like iHOP with fire
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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