i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
