I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
