I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We left an ass print on the piano.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
