matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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