i need an iv and a liver transplant
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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