addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
