there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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