I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
