I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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