i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
