you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
