did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
