fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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