come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
